Phone

As if she weren't in enough trouble, last night at 11 PM I picked up the phone to call Joe, who was still at work, and Stephanie was on it. First of all, she had the phone taken from her room a LONG time ago for repeated abuse of priviledges, so that mean she TOOK it from somewhere. Second, when she is allowed to use the phone, cut off time is 8 PM. AND THIRD, she JUST got grounded.

I am upping the phone grounding to two months.

I have cancelled our home phone. It was something I had been considering anyway, especially since we're planning on getting Stephanie a cell phone (with a VERY limited plan) when our contract is up in December. She was essentially the only one who ever used our home phone and now that she is grounded until Christmas, it really seemed silly to pay $50 a month for it. So, now I don't have to worry about her making phone calls in the middle of the night anymore and I don't have to worry about bratty teenagers with abhorent phone manners calling all day and night, either. Win/win as far as I am concerned.

Skipping

Today we got a phone call from the school. Stephanie and a group of friends were found to be skipping their Service Learning class (on Thursdays they go to a local elementary school to tutor) to go to McDonald's. She has been suspended through Monday. Tomorrow is a half-day, so it isn't as harsh as it sounds, but I was still very dissappointed.

Last night, I was showing her Dad around the grade reporting website and saw that her big English paper had been graded and she'd made a 95 on it. It brought her grade for the class up to a B. I left her a note this morning telling her how proud I was of her.

Then she went and did a silly thing like this. Not only were they cutting class, they were shortchanging these kids who needed their help, they were crossing a VERY busy street and a VERY unpleasant part of town. There is no limit to the bad things that could have happened.

Joe and I discussed it and decided that Stephanie would work 8 hours a day Friday, Saturday and Monday, as well as 5 hours on Sunday, in our book-shop. She is also going to do at least four hours of community service and is grounded from the phone and computer for two weeks.

When I picked her up this afternoon, I didn't say anything about it. I wanted to wait and hear what she had to say. When we got home, I started dinner and she came in the kitchen and said, "I need to talk to you." She didn't know that I already knew. She asked if I had spoken to Joe and I told her yes. She said, "Well, I wrote you a letter about what happened and I want to read it to you."


Dear Mom,

I know you're mad and I'm very, very sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. I know I shouldn't have done it. I know what could have happened. I'm sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry that I let you down. You were so proud of me and I screwed it up. I was doing so good until I let people tell me what to do. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I know I shouldn't have done it. I've been so stupid today; please fogive me. I thought this school would help me, but I am just getting into more trouble. I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, I went to McDonalds and it was stupid, too. I don't care what the punishment is, I only care about disappointing you and not making you proud of me anymore. I'm sorry I disappointed you.

I think she was a bit hard on herself, but I was glad to see that she handled this in a mature way. I fully expected a lot of excuses and whining and griping and yelling, but there was none of that. I guess we have made a lot of progress.

School Pictures

School pictures were a couple of weeks ago. Stephanie's came in today:





Isn't she a cutie!?

Report Card Day

Stephanie got her report card today.

Biology - 85
English 9 - 80
World History - 94
Band - 100
Wellness - 84
Service Learning - 100
Algebra 2 - 81

GPA - 2.86

3 A's and 4 C's. Four C's seems like a bit much to me. She promised me at her last progress report that there wouldn't be more than one C. Still, it is a lot better than her grades last year. There were always several C's and D's and usually an F or two. She is trying harder, but not near as hard as she could be. She works hard at it 2-3 nights a week and thinks that means she can slack the other nights. I don't think she understands just how competitve the market for scholarships is. Luckily, the 1st semester of ninth grade doesn't go on your transcript, so she still has a little time to buckle the rest of the way down - of course I am not telling HER that!

The book of Love

For Stephanie's adoption, I got her a book and am having all the wonderful people in her life write messages to her. I finally recorded mine tonight and, though it took me 6 pages to handwrite, I want to transcribe my words here:

My dear Stephanie,

I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to call you my daughter. In my heart you have been just that for so long...Now I want to shout it from the rooftops.

I know what a difficult decision this was for you. I understand that, in a way, you had to "give up" some of the plans you had made. I intend to make sure that you never regret that decision, that it never feels like you gave up, gave in or settled. I swear to you that I love you just exactly as if I gave birth to you. In my heart, there is no difference.

Despite all it took to get us to this point, aren't we lucky to have found one another? I am proud to call you my daughter. I am honored be your mother. So many families are formed by chance; isn't it a blessing that we got to choose? That we go to know know each other first and then build love on that knowledge? It chokes my up to think about it.

There is a song called "Whispering Hope" that was my main inspiration in wanteg you to have the name Hope. Here are the first two verses and the refrain:

Soft as the voice of an angel,
Breathing a lesson unheard,
Hope with a gentle persuasion
Whispers her comforting word:
Wait till the darkness is over,
Wait till the tempest is done,
Hope for the sunshine tomorrow,
After the shower is gone.

If, in the dusk of the twilight,
Dim be the region afar,
Will not the deepening darkness
Brighten the glimmering star?
Then when the night is upon us,
Why should the heart sink away?
When the dark midnight is over,
Watch for the breaking of day.

Whispering hope,
oh how welcome thy voice,
Making my heart
in its sorrow rejoice.

So, now I hope you understand why the name Hope is so important to me. No matter how bad things have ever been, hope springs eternal. Without it, how could anyone even get out of bed in the morning?

Finally, I want to say something about love. Your Dad and I love you. God in Heaven and His glorious son Jesus Christ love you. It is a love that has no beginning and no end. It is a perfect, caring love. First Corinthians, chapter 13 (NIV) says:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

Keep these words close to your heart. Whenever love is said to be in the world, compare it to these five verses and you'll know if it is true.

I thank God for you and ask Him to keep His hand on you always.

Forever,
Mom

Getting Started

Here I am ,starting another blog. This one is for my newest daughter, Stephanie Hope. Steph's adoption was finalized Thursday, October 12th. She has lived with us about 16 months and in that time has grown from a wounded shell of a child to an intelligent, vibrant young woman. I am proud of her progress and yet, I know, we still have many hard miles ahead of us. I hope that this will serve as two things: as venting space for me (who knew I would have a 14 year old daughter at age 28!?) and as a record of Stephanie's many accomplishments so that she will see her progress when she has those days when she feels she has made none.