Whispering Hope

Dominican Republic Mission Trip, July 2009

2009-09-17T09:37:00.000-07:00

Annual Old Year, New Year Survey

2009-01-01T06:46:00.000-08:00

Stephanie's Answers, typed exactly as written:

What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Get a job. Being homeschooled
What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? The courage to tell people how I feel.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting a job
What was your biggest failure? Running away Being Homeschooled Quit taking my med losing my best friend
Did you suffer illness or injury? mental and physical illness
What was the best thing that you bought or that someone bought for you? Everything
What did you get really, really, really, excited about? my Breaking Dawn book
What did you get realy sad about? [no answer]
Compared to this time last year, are you happer or sadder? Im in between happier and sadder
What do you wish you'd done more of? nothing really
What ws your favorite TV program? Psych
What was your favorite part of Christmas this past year? The fact that I enjoy doing things with my family.
What was the best book you read? Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer
What is your favorite song? I don't just have one. I have many.
What did you want this year and get? Breaking Dawn book and Psych seasons 1 + 2
What did you want this year and not get? [no answer]
What is your favorite movie you saw this year? I don't have one
What is an important lesson you learned in 2008? You should work hard to get the thigs you want. No one can change you except you. Think before you do stupid things.

Two Years of Being Official

2008-10-12T19:44:00.000-07:00

Today was the two year anniversary of Stephanie's adoption. We celebrated with a special breakfast of (Stephanie's favorite) donuts!

Her gift was a simple necklace to match the ring she was given last year.

We had other celebrations in the afternoon for my husband's and my mother's birthdays, so there was a lot going on, but it was a nice day nonetheless. After the stress that has been the past year, it was good that things went so smoothly.

Catching up

2008-09-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

I know it has been SO LONG, but we have been SO BUSY! Have I mentioned we are homeschooling? I knew it would take a lot of my time, but reall, I HAD NO IDEA. We have recently switched to a pre-boxed curriculum that is making a big difference though. It is AlphaOmega's LifePac series and it really is wonderful. I think Stephanie is finally really LEARNING rather than just regurgitating information or cheating (which it seems was the vast majority of the time).

Anyway, the other day she said to me, "You know, with the homeschooling, I definately under a lot less pressure." I tried to play it cool, but inside I was jumping up and down. Maybe she is finally seeing that we are trying to make things better/easier for her in the long run.

Also, I snapped these two pictures of STephanie working at her desk in our little schoolroom today:

Home, Where My Thoughts Escaping

2008-06-14T17:48:00.000-07:00

Stephanie came home on Wednesday. Things seem to be going wel so far, but I no longer trust my feelings in this situation. She was receptive to the letter and seemed upset over my saying she was cold-hearted and manipulative, but again, I don't trust my intuition with her anymore.
- - -
In other news, my paternal grandmother passed away on Monday and we buried her yesterday.

Her obituary:

Julia Mae Elsea, 81, of Soddy-Daisy, passed away Monday, June 9, 2008, at a local heath care facility.
She was a member of Miracle Baptist Church.
She was preceded in death by her husband, Boyd James Elsea; daughter, Judy Ann Luna; and grandson, Scott Eugene Sneed.
She is survived by her daughters, Lola Mae Randolph and husband, Robert, Mary Elizabeth Elsea; and partner, Julie Bizzell; sons, Ronald Boyd Elsea and wife, Pamela, James Otis Elsea and wife, Wanda, Willard Alan Elsea and wife, Gail; 18 grandchildren; and numerous great-grandchildren.
Funeral service will be 2 p.m. Friday in the funeral home chapel with the Rev. Kenneth Conaway and Minister Jim Stewart officiating.
Interment will follow in Hamilton County Memorial Park.
Family will receive friends from 2-9 p.m. Thursday at the funeral home.
Condolences and memories may be shared at www.williamsonandsons.com.
Arrangements are by Williamson & Sons Funeral Home, 8852 Dayton Pike, Soddy-Daisy, TN 37379.

She's Back, But Not Home

2008-06-05T12:09:00.000-07:00

Stephanie was picked up by police Friday night. She spent the night at juvenile detention and only commented that the hancuffs were "cool". She is currently at a crisis management mental health facility until her medication is back under control. To adequetly convery where her Dad and I are right now, below is a letter we will be giving her shortly.
- - -

Stephanie,
I am struggling so much with your recent decisions, actions and behavior. I just don't understand your motivation.

From the first day you came to live with us, just over three years ago, your dad and I have considered you our daughter. We have never failed to do everything in our power to make you feel loved and accepted and a full part of this family. Despite your every attempt to sabotage it, we have never stopped loving you, we have never given up on you.

We have made every effort to include you and involve you. No matter how many times you refused to participate in game and movie nights and other family activities, we never stopped offering. It did not matter how often you turned down opportunities to do things in our community and church, we continued to encourage you. Even though you consistently refused to apply yourself in your schooling, we repeatedly offered help, and tried to prompt you to want to do well so that you could live up to all the potential we see in you. For you to say that we never included you, that we never wanted you – that is absurd. You might not WANT to see it, but we've always been there for you. We've always tried to make the best decisions for you. We've always done things for you to show you how special you are to our family. Do you remember when you first came to live here? That first weekend, we went shopping to let you chose things to decorate your room to make it yours. I remember you saying that no one had ever done that for you before. Did that not show you that we were different, that we counted you as part of our family from the very beginning? What about the sports we've supported you in? Gymnastics? We found the best place and signed you up and bought the supplies and drove you across town several days a week, watching and cheering as you progressed. Volleyball? I was the only mother who was there EVERY match. I was keeping score and serving as line judge and working concessions and driving you and other girls to away matches all the time. Softball? The whole family came out to support you many, many times. Band concerts and parades? We were there.

And we were not just there in good times; we've tried to support you in the bad times too. How many nights did I sit with you in your dark bedroom while you talked and cried? How many times, when you were in trouble for breaking rules, did we spend hours (often in the middle of the night) trying to get you to see that the rules we have are for YOUR OWN GOOD? That we want the best the world has to offer for you.

How many therapy sessions have we made the appointments for, taken you to, and been in with you? How long have we continued to pay for a therapist ourselves every week because we believed she was making a difference with you when we easily could have gone just about anywhere else and had the insurance take care of every penny?

If we didn't care for you, why did we have a surprise party for you on your 16th birthday? And why did the WHOLE family come to it? Why did we plan that trip to the cabin and even let you bring a friend? Why did Nona and Poppy have a birthday dinner for you at their house? Why did Grandma and Grandpa take you to Six Flags for your birthday – even as sick as Grandpa has been?

And all of that doesn't even begin to cover all of the small every-day things. Day and night, you are in every thought and plan. You are the motivation and reason behind so very many of our decisions and are a factor in every single one.

In the year and a half that you were with us before we were able to adopt you, we were working and praying and hoping to make you officially our daughter. What amazes me now is that you seem to have forgotten that it was your decision. Today you acted as if it was something that was forced upon you, as if you were snatched away in the night and adopted against your will. You seem to think that your birth-mother's parental rights were terminated on a whim and by accident. I can assure you that termination is NEVER done lightly.

At first, while you were gone, I couldn't understand why you would walk away from safety and security and love, why you would be drawn to people and places where you were hurt, used and abused. It seems that you apparently do not remember and have not seen all of the paperwork. I am sorry for that because you now seem to have some kind of perfect idea in you head that, I promise you, is not real. Stephanie, there was proof: pictures and physical evidence of your sexual abuse at the hands of your mother and her then-husband. Brittney and I discussed if it was right to tell you, when we realized that you didn't remember, but we knew that you already had so much trauma that you DID remember, we didn't want to hinder your therapeutic progress with yet another set back. Now, we see that mistake; that having you know the truth could have prevented all of this, could have made you see that we have been trying to protect you, to be the family you should have had all along.

Still, it seems that, no matter what we do, you don't really care. Looking back over the last several weeks and months and even years, it has become clear how completely and cold-heartedly you have manipulated and used us. Not just your dad and me, but Nona, Poppy, Aunt B, Uncle J, Grandma, Grandpa, James, and even Katie. I can see now that all you ever wanted from any of us was just the means to your own selfish ends. You made us believe you really wanted this family, that you really wanted to change your life and your direction, that you wanted to make something out of yourself, that you wanted to go to college and be something wonderful, that you wanted to make a difference in this world, that you didn't want to be just another statistic. You made us believe that you were happy here. You made us believe that you appreciated all we'd done for you. I cannot tell you how severely it breaks my heart to know that none of it ever mattered and that I can never really trust anything you've said or done. In talking to your dad and the rest of the family, I see now that this run-away was your plan all along. I don't know how you thought it was going to work, though. Did you think we weren't going to look or care? Did you think that this was a decision that would be okay with us? The impression that I get is that you just don't care if we were hurt or scared. Once again, you only cared about what you wanted and you didn't care who you had to hurt to get it.

So, where does that leave us? Where do we do from here? The fact is, that for the next two years, dad and I are responsible for you in every way. Forget the fact that we love you, that we truly care what you do with your life and want the best for you. Dad and I see now that you are completely unwilling to accept that. Let's move past all of that and look at what our real options are.

1. We can continue down this same path of us over-expecting and you under- responding, of slowly building to a head every few months until things explode, of you continuing to lie to us about what your real goals are.
2. We can continue pursuing therapeutic options that you have manipulated and avoided, in hopes that someone somewhere will eventually break though and get you to see the road down which you are going be that in therapy with Brittney, with a new therapist or in a residential and/or wilderness program.
Or. OR.
3. We can get real. You can be honest about what you really want and stop spouting lies about college or being miserable or any of the nonsense lines you've tried to feed us. Dad and I have discussed this at length and here's the plan we are willing to agree to:
After leaving [the hospital] you will come home and you will submit to ALL of the rules of the house. From truthfulness, to chores, to taking your medications as scheduled to anything else we may choose to implement. No arguments, to smart-mouth, no exceptions.
We will immediately begin a home-school curriculum designed to catch you up on the things you are behind on (reading comprehension), teach you the real -world skills you so desperately need (budgeting and financial planning, relationship skills, etc.), and prepare you for passing the GED in one year.
You will get a job near enough to the house that it is convenient for you to walk or bike at any time that we are unable to take you. You will be responsible for saving and budgeting that money in order to cover almost all costs that you incur from clothes to doctor appointments to food to saving for a car/scooter and then an apartment.
All of this, assuming you follow it TO THE LETTER with NO EXCEPTIONS WHATSOEVER, is to prepare you to be able to prove yourself fully capable to a judge, so that you can be emancipated shortly after your seventeenth birthday. That will make you the only one responsible for you. Things you will need to keep in mind:
You will lose all health, prescription, life and dental insurance that you now have. That means that you will be responsible for getting the insurance offered by your job (including working enough hours to qualify for it, and pay for it) and paying the copays and minimums for your continued therapy and medication requirements.
Emancipation is RARELY granted, so every choice make over the next year will be crucial. And it is NEVER granted if the parents aren't willing, so, again, EVERY choice you make will be CRUCIAL.
As far as we are concerned, this will not stop us from being your parents. No matter where you go or how old you are, we will always love you, you will always be our daughter in our hearts. Believe me when I say that none of this is what I want. The thought of sending you out into the world scares me to my very soul, but what choice do I have? We do very much want you to be happy, but we also want you to be safe, prepared for life, and aware of the serious amount of hard work that is going to be required of you. Once you become an adult, there is no going back. I cannot imagine wanting to give up the safety and security of childhood any sooner that necessary, but if it is what you really want and you prove to us that you can handle it, we are willing to allow it, though it will be with broken hearts and prayers and love and hope. You have never stopped being precious to us. You never will.
Always,
Mom

Day 9

2008-05-27T06:44:00.001-07:00

UPDATE: Tuesday, May 27, 9:30AM

I talked to my friend Shelly last night who said that Stephanie has been calling her son (whom Stephanie dated last summer) all day Monday begining at 1AM. Luckily, this time she called form a land line, so we finally have something to go on. Shelly said that Stephanie sounded drunk or definately "on something". That isn't really a surprise since she has now been off her prescription medication for over a week and has probably begun to try to "self-medicate" with whatever is available. It wouldn't be the first time. Needless to say, that has me more worried than ever.

Day 6

2008-05-24T10:06:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Saturday, May 24, 12:45PM

The headline of "update" is misleading. There is no news and there probably won't be for a while. First of all, it's a holiday weekend, which means the police really aren't looking. And, I have found out, they don't do a lot of looking for 16 year olds anyway. Crazy, but true. Finally, with all the pieces of the puzzle that have come together lately, it looks like she has been planning this for quite a long time. At least over the last several months and possibly all along.

That is a hard truth to face: to realize you have been so utterly duped, to see that you have been completely taken advantage of, to open your home and your heart and have it all thrown away like so much trash. Tomorrow is May 25, the three year anniversary of bringing her home to be part of our family. I certainly don't regret it, but it is hard to suddenly know that it never meant anything to her.

Day 5

2008-05-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Friday, May 23, 8:30PM

I wish I had more to report, but there was no real progress today. The only news comes from on of Stephanie's biological half sisters who, when the detective contacted her today, confirmed that Stephanie had called them two days ago and is, in fact, with her biological mother. Today was day 5. We are trying to keep things as "normal" as possible for Katie's sake, but it is difficult. Really though, things feel very un-real right now.

Day 4

2008-05-24T10:03:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Thursday, May 22, 10:00AM

The address on record at the DMV turned out to be incorrect, so we are back at square one. The home where we believed they were was empty, so I don't know if that means Stephanie (and Cindy) were never there or if they have left.

We have found that Stephanie may also have been in contact with a half-brother (on her mother's side) by the name of Jacob Burton. He is younger than Stephanie, but I do not know by how much. I expect that he is 13-14.

I am asking now, for anyone who has any contacts in the Bradley County, TN area, to please put in some calls, e-mails, etc. I am confident that someone somewhere knows something and it is just a matter of finding that person.

Also, I have flyers. Anyone who is willing to put some up, send me your adress and I will mail you one to make as many copies as will be useful to you. Once again, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Day 3

2008-05-24T10:02:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Wednesday, May 21, 1:30 PM

I spent the morning at the police station. They believe they have found an address and they expect to pick her up this afternoon. I will continue to update you as I get more information. Thank you all again!

UPDATE: Wednesday, May 21, 10:20PM

The police were unable to execute the pick up today for logistical reasons. The plan is to have the police work in concert with Stephanie's therapist to immediately commit her to a psychiatric facility upon her return to Hamilton County. That can only happen if done early in the day, so we are looking at tomorrow mid-morning. Stephanie has a standing appointment with her therapist each week and, in her absence, Joe and I met with the therapist to discuss plans for now and for the future. She said something that I hadn't thought of: she suggested that we begin to prpare ourselves for the possibility that the police will not find either of them - that Stephanie and her bio-mom may have gone on the run. Truly, it was something that I hadn't considered. So again, I just ask for your continued prayers and I thank you all for your love and support.

Day 2

2008-05-24T10:01:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: Tuesday, May 20, 9:55 PM

We believe that, at this point, Stephanie is in the Bradley County/Cleveland, TN area with her biological mother, Cynthia "Cindy" Kay Burton aka Cynthia Hendrix (NOT a good place). We have yet to pinpoint her specific location. Please continue to pass along her identifying information and to keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. Your support means more to me than I can say. I have every faith that Stephanie will be home soon, but I am just as certain that we will have an even harder road to travel then.

PLEASE HELP

2008-05-20T03:16:00.000-07:00

My older daughter Stephanie is missing. Joe dropped her off at school this morning (5/19/08) at about 7 and no one has seen her since, however we were not alerted to her disapperance until I went to pick her up from school at 2:15 and she was not there. We have filed a missing persons report and have driven the neighborhood time and time again. I have been in touch with her best friend and boyfriend and neither of them know anything. At this point she has been gone almost 16 hours and I am terrified; I have no idea where she could be. She does have a history of running away, but she has never been away this long in the three years she has been with us. I am just asking that you pass her description along and keep our family in your prayers.

Missing: Stephanie Anderson

DOB: 4/26/92, Age 16

Hair: Light Brown

Eyes: BlueHeight: 5'1"

Weight: 120

Last seen in Red Bank, TN wearing a pink and white floral blouse, brown capri-length pants and brown sandals. She has several scars and birth marks and wears a small gold necklace with a gold charm. She is probably carrying a light blue and black LLBean back pack.

If anyone has any information, they can contact the Red Bank, TN Police Department at 423-877-2481.

Old Year/New Year

2007-12-31T13:14:00.000-08:00

Below is our annual End of the Year Survey, completed by Stephanie this afternoon. Here is last year's.

What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before? I don't know.

What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A job and a car.

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting good at softball

What was your biggest failure? Going to Valley

Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes

What was the best thing that you bought or that someone bought for you? Earrings from Dad, Ring from Mom

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

What did you get really sad about? losing Logan

Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? Happier

What do you wish you'd done more of? Date

What was your favorite TV program? CSI

What was your favorite part of Christmas this past year? Being closer to the family

What was the best book you read? Eclipse

What is your favorite song? "Lips of Anger" and "Better than Me", both by Hinder

What did you want this year and get? my iPod speakers

What did you want this year and NOT get? A car

What is your favorite movie you saw this year? Harry Potter 5

What is an important lesson you learned in 2006? Don't be stupid

Christmas 2007

2007-12-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

What a beauty!

Vacation Photos

2007-10-15T14:03:00.000-07:00

Below are a few pictures from our family vacation to Pioneer, TN. It was beautiful, serene perfection.

Home Sweet Home

2007-09-08T11:51:00.000-07:00

Stephanie came home on Tuesday after a full week in the hospital. She seems to be doing a lot better. We're all making adjustments. It looks like she understands the importance of her medication and the importance of talking to someone if things start to get bad. I pray that things are as they seem.

Hope Gave Up

2007-08-29T18:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, my precious Stephanie attempted suicide by taking a large dose of over-the-counter pain medicine.

She used a safety pin to try to scratch open her wrists. She used the same pin to carve the words "Hope Gave Up" into her left forearm.

She left a note that read:

I love you all
Dad, Mom and Katie
I'm sorry I hurt all of ya'll
Please forgive me

Luckily, she came to and ran outside and had a neighbor call 911. She was ambulanced to the hospital and then transferred to a local psychiatric hospital.

I spoke with her doctor an he expects her stay to be at least 4 - 5 days. She begged me to take her home at the visit I had with her this afternoon. It broke my heart to tell her, "No, not yet."

I am lost. There is so much more of this story that I am just not ready to type out yet. But I had to start.

Too good a deal

2007-08-04T10:18:00.000-07:00

Today, while out bargain-hunting, Stephanie and I ran across a beautiful formal dress that, when she tried it on, fit beautifully (except in length because she is only 5'2" and EVERYTHING is ALWAYS tooooooo long) and since it was a re-sale item it was only $24. But get this - it was half price day in the shop - so we got it for $12!! She's putting it up for prom 2009, but we figured, at that price, we couldn't pass it up.

Below is a photo of her in the dress. Please excuse the quality as I took the picture with my phone and also please excuse her messy room as she is 15.

Annual Back-to-school fashion show

2007-07-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

Every year, after doing our school clothes shopping, we have a little fashion show, these are the pictures from Stephanie's:

Boyfriend

2007-05-20T14:07:00.000-07:00

In recent news, Stephanie has a boyfriend. He's a sweet kid (let's call him by his initials, LL) who is just a couple of months younger than she (though a grade behind, since he was held back when very young). His sister plays for Katie's ball team. He plays baseball and will play football for the high school this fall and he wrestles. He and his family attend the same kind of church as we do and he has come with us twice already. I know his parents well and even have his mother's number programed into my phone. I feel good about this situation and really hope it will help to ground her and settle her.

Happy Happy Birthday, Baby

2007-04-27T07:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Stephanie's 15th birthday. Wednesday night we went out for dessert after church with my parents and siblings. My sister and brother got her a 20Q game, a wallet, some perfume that she likes, and hair accessories; Katie got her a very pretty necklace with a charm that says HOPE on it; and my parents got her a gift card to Old Navy. Joe and I got her a new back-pack style bat bag for softball, some little things like stickers and potted flowers for her room, a silver ring that says I (heart) softball and the handbook to study for her lerner's permit.

We are headed out today to spend that Old Navy card before it burns a hole in her pocket (and since there is no tax on clothing this weekend).

Third Quarter Report Card

2007-04-03T14:31:00.000-07:00

Biology - 90/B
Wellness - 95/A
Geometry - 83/C
World Geography - 96/A
English 9 - 89/B

Not bad. Definately and improvement. The "C" is only two points from a "B" - Yay!

Saturday in the Park

2007-03-24T13:58:00.000-07:00

Three games today as part of a pre-season tournament.

9AM - lost (3-1)

1:30 PM - won (4-1)

6PM - won (9-1)

Steph took a tough shot from the pitcher just above her left elbow. Even now, three hours later you can se the marks from the stitches on the ball. She held up like a trooper on the field, but lost it when she came in and got to me. I patted her hed and kissed it better and she cried and then she felt a lot better.

Softball

2007-03-16T11:12:00.000-07:00

Stephanie has begun playing softball on a local "select" team. Despite never having played before, she is doing quite well. I hope this is something that will help to keep her on the right track. These pictures were taken at two practice games last weekend.

Mamasource advice

2007-03-08T12:15:00.000-08:00

We've had another round of lousy attitude and behavior - I really thought we were getting past it.

I've already written about it at length on mamasource.com (a great place to get advice from other moms) so I am not going to go into all that again, but here is a link to it.

New School

2007-01-16T13:28:00.000-08:00

Today, I spent the day transferring Stephanie to a new school. She spent the first semester at a local Magnet School. but that, unfortunately, did not work out. By special exception, we were allowed to move her to our zoned high school. I certainly hope this helps. There have been rough times lately with her disobedience and trouble-making. I just pray she can find better influences in the wider range of people.

In other news, she got her report card on Thursday. Here are the results

Subject/ 1st Qtr/ 2nd Qtr/ Sem Exam /Sem Avg.

Biology/ 85/ 80 /81 /82 - C
English/ 80 /85/ 73/ 81 - C
Wld. Hist /94/ 91 /na/93 - A
Band /100/ 100 /na/100 - A
PE/Wellness/ 84 /82/ 82/ 84 - C
Svc Lrning /100 /98 /na/99 - A
Alg 2/ 81/ 88/ 63/ 80 - C

GPA/ 3.0 /3.0/na/ 2.86

Darn those semester exams!

Old Year/New Year

2006-12-29T20:30:00.000-08:00

I hope to make this something we do every year, but I made this survey for Stephanie so we could kind-of take stock and see where she is, so, here we go:

1. What did you do in 2006 that you'd never done before?
played volleyball on a school team
2. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
iPod, PSP or DS, cell phone
3. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Going from a size 12 to a size 8 in pants
4. What was your biggest failure?
Letting everybody down so many times
5. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Not that I remember
6. What was the best thing that you bought or that someone bought for you?
Everything everyone bought for me
7. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
When I brought my Algebra II grade up to a B (when it was a D) in a short time
8. What did you get really sad about?
When I see my friends in pain
9. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?
More happy but still sad
10. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Bring my grades up in the 8th grade
11. What was your favorite TV program?
Adoption Stories, Friends, Wil & Grace
12. What was your favorite part of Christmas this past year?
When I spent time with my family. Also when I bought everybody Christmas presents and watch their faces when they open them.
13. What was the best book you read?
Twilight and New Moon by Stephenie Meyer
14. What is your favorite song?
"I'm Sorry I Can't Be Perfect" by Simple Plan
15. What did you want this year and get?
Blacklight, a family
16. What did you want this year and NOT get?
iPod, PSP or DS, Cell phone
17. What is your favorite movie?
Narnia
18. What is an important lesson you learned in 2006?
choose better friends, choose friends that won't get you into trouble

Santa Photo

2006-12-19T14:41:00.000-08:00

The girls went to see Santa at the mall today. Aren't they beautiful?

2006-12-05T13:02:00.000-08:00

Phone

2006-10-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

As if she weren't in enough trouble, last night at 11 PM I picked up the phone to call Joe, who was still at work, and Stephanie was on it. First of all, she had the phone taken from her room a LONG time ago for repeated abuse of priviledges, so that mean she TOOK it from somewhere. Second, when she is allowed to use the phone, cut off time is 8 PM. AND THIRD, she JUST got grounded.

I am upping the phone grounding to two months.

I have cancelled our home phone. It was something I had been considering anyway, especially since we're planning on getting Stephanie a cell phone (with a VERY limited plan) when our contract is up in December. She was essentially the only one who ever used our home phone and now that she is grounded until Christmas, it really seemed silly to pay $50 a month for it. So, now I don't have to worry about her making phone calls in the middle of the night anymore and I don't have to worry about bratty teenagers with abhorent phone manners calling all day and night, either. Win/win as far as I am concerned.

Skipping

2006-10-26T17:30:00.000-07:00

Today we got a phone call from the school. Stephanie and a group of friends were found to be skipping their Service Learning class (on Thursdays they go to a local elementary school to tutor) to go to McDonald's. She has been suspended through Monday. Tomorrow is a half-day, so it isn't as harsh as it sounds, but I was still very dissappointed.

Last night, I was showing her Dad around the grade reporting website and saw that her big English paper had been graded and she'd made a 95 on it. It brought her grade for the class up to a B. I left her a note this morning telling her how proud I was of her.

Then she went and did a silly thing like this. Not only were they cutting class, they were shortchanging these kids who needed their help, they were crossing a VERY busy street and a VERY unpleasant part of town. There is no limit to the bad things that could have happened.

Joe and I discussed it and decided that Stephanie would work 8 hours a day Friday, Saturday and Monday, as well as 5 hours on Sunday, in our book-shop. She is also going to do at least four hours of community service and is grounded from the phone and computer for two weeks.

When I picked her up this afternoon, I didn't say anything about it. I wanted to wait and hear what she had to say. When we got home, I started dinner and she came in the kitchen and said, "I need to talk to you." She didn't know that I already knew. She asked if I had spoken to Joe and I told her yes. She said, "Well, I wrote you a letter about what happened and I want to read it to you."

Dear Mom,

I know you're mad and I'm very, very sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. I know I shouldn't have done it. I know what could have happened. I'm sorry I put you through that. I'm sorry that I let you down. You were so proud of me and I screwed it up. I was doing so good until I let people tell me what to do. I knew what I was doing was wrong and I know I shouldn't have done it. I've been so stupid today; please fogive me. I thought this school would help me, but I am just getting into more trouble. I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, I went to McDonalds and it was stupid, too. I don't care what the punishment is, I only care about disappointing you and not making you proud of me anymore. I'm sorry I disappointed you.

I think she was a bit hard on herself, but I was glad to see that she handled this in a mature way. I fully expected a lot of excuses and whining and griping and yelling, but there was none of that. I guess we have made a lot of progress.

School Pictures

2006-10-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

School pictures were a couple of weeks ago. Stephanie's came in today:

Isn't she a cutie!?

Report Card Day

2006-10-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

Stephanie got her report card today.

Biology - 85
English 9 - 80
World History - 94
Band - 100
Wellness - 84
Service Learning - 100
Algebra 2 - 81

GPA - 2.86

3 A's and 4 C's. Four C's seems like a bit much to me. She promised me at her last progress report that there wouldn't be more than one C. Still, it is a lot better than her grades last year. There were always several C's and D's and usually an F or two. She is trying harder, but not near as hard as she could be. She works hard at it 2-3 nights a week and thinks that means she can slack the other nights. I don't think she understands just how competitve the market for scholarships is. Luckily, the 1st semester of ninth grade doesn't go on your transcript, so she still has a little time to buckle the rest of the way down - of course I am not telling HER that!

The book of Love

2006-10-19T19:59:00.000-07:00

For Stephanie's adoption, I got her a book and am having all the wonderful people in her life write messages to her. I finally recorded mine tonight and, though it took me 6 pages to handwrite, I want to transcribe my words here:

My dear Stephanie,

I cannot tell you how happy I am to be able to call you my daughter. In my heart you have been just that for so long...Now I want to shout it from the rooftops.

I know what a difficult decision this was for you. I understand that, in a way, you had to "give up" some of the plans you had made. I intend to make sure that you never regret that decision, that it never feels like you gave up, gave in or settled. I swear to you that I love you just exactly as if I gave birth to you. In my heart, there is no difference.

Despite all it took to get us to this point, aren't we lucky to have found one another? I am proud to call you my daughter. I am honored be your mother. So many families are formed by chance; isn't it a blessing that we got to choose? That we go to know know each other first and then build love on that knowledge? It chokes my up to think about it.

There is a song called "Whispering Hope" that was my main inspiration in wanteg you to have the name Hope. Here are the first two verses and the refrain:

Soft as the voice of an angel,
Breathing a lesson unheard,
Hope with a gentle persuasion
Whispers her comforting word:
Wait till the darkness is over,
Wait till the tempest is done,
Hope for the sunshine tomorrow,
After the shower is gone.

If, in the dusk of the twilight,
Dim be the region afar,
Will not the deepening darkness
Brighten the glimmering star?
Then when the night is upon us,
Why should the heart sink away?
When the dark midnight is over,
Watch for the breaking of day.

Whispering hope,
oh how welcome thy voice,
Making my heart
in its sorrow rejoice.

So, now I hope you understand why the name Hope is so important to me. No matter how bad things have ever been, hope springs eternal. Without it, how could anyone even get out of bed in the morning?

Finally, I want to say something about love. Your Dad and I love you. God in Heaven and His glorious son Jesus Christ love you. It is a love that has no beginning and no end. It is a perfect, caring love. First Corinthians, chapter 13 (NIV) says:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not selfish, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.

Keep these words close to your heart. Whenever love is said to be in the world, compare it to these five verses and you'll know if it is true.

I thank God for you and ask Him to keep His hand on you always.

Forever,
Mom

Getting Started

2006-10-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

Here I am ,starting another blog. This one is for my newest daughter, Stephanie Hope. Steph's adoption was finalized Thursday, October 12th. She has lived with us about 16 months and in that time has grown from a wounded shell of a child to an intelligent, vibrant young woman. I am proud of her progress and yet, I know, we still have many hard miles ahead of us. I hope that this will serve as two things: as venting space for me (who knew I would have a 14 year old daughter at age 28!?) and as a record of Stephanie's many accomplishments so that she will see her progress when she has those days when she feels she has made none.